So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
