Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
