none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
