if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
