told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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