Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
