So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
