how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
