I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
