I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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