Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
