Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
