i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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