I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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