I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
