im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
