and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
