Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
