I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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