you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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