just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
