Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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