Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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