No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
