using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
