I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
