I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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