i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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