so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All I want is dick and wine.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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