i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
