How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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