Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
