There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
