She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
