When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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