you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
