If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Mom said you looked used
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
