I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
