U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
