were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
