I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
