Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
