Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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