I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
