I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
