goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
