My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
