i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
