chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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