I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well I just put wine in my tea
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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