I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
